What's This About?

I've tried this blog-about-myself thing before but I'm always censoring myself. Do I do that in my head too? I actually have no idea. This is a contained blog with an actual topic. But it's mostly about me.

I am peering at the edge of 2008, the year I will turn 65. Yes, older than death. And I'm fat. Really fat. This morning I weighed 240.4 pounds. And I have asthma. And arthritis. Bad knee, intermittent back pain, and a right wrist that is messed up.

Instead of sounding like I'm whining, why don't I deconstruct that a little. These days there is stuff around about aging. My Local Paper has a health section once a week and, since they recognize that the baby boom generation is obsessed with self, they deal with aging.

And there is a ton of diet/fitness/healthy weight stuff around. Too much really. Everybody has a different notion, everybody has their own way, and tons of people who are eternally trying to lose weight stay fat.

But I have yet to find anything about losing weight and gaining fitness on ones sixties. Add the other maladies, all of which impact on how I feel and what I can do and I have a logical mess. I'm not even going to talk about my feelings about all that today.

But, damnit, I want to be slim and strong. I want to wear fashionable clothes. I'm old enough so I can wear what I want to instead of what is appropriate. But what's the point if everything looks like I'm wrapped in a bag?

I've actually lost 49 pounds over the past three years. But I regained a bunch of it. My high point was 266.6. I went on weight watchers and dropped to 218.2 for about an hour. Then the weight started creeping back. After some while I got fed up with dieting and gaining weight.

Then, three months ago, my eighteen year old dog died. I have been grieving. I really loved that dog. But I also haven't been dog-walking. So I gained another ten pounds. Ok, the good: weigh 26.2 pounds less than when I started. The bad: my weight is moving in the wrong direction, especially for the beginning of January. The neutral news: dieting works a bit if I am vigilant and weigh everything but I can't live that way.

Time to put up or shut up here. So let me see what I can do, what progress I can make.