Talisman

Hope springs eternal. I spent some time today flipping through the growing pile of Health and Self magazines that seem to arrive at my house. Don't you think that thinking about getting in shape should burn calories? I certainly do. Mostly they are pure advertising but I tripped over one of those articles that take 4 minutes to read on tips the contestants use in The Biggest Loser and two called to me.

The first is a simplifying device for calorie counting. I knew there must be a rule. To lose weight multiple your current weight by 7 for your daily calorie intake. (If you weight less than 150, use 150 as the weight number.) So for me that is 1680 a day. Now that I have the formula, though, I can adjust while losing weight. And for maintenance multiply your weight by 12. So when I weight what I want to, my calorie intake should be 1500. I'm quite struck by how little difference there is between the two, actually. Wheee, now I have a formula. What a geekette I am.

The second is a talisman, although they don't call it that. They suggest buying a bracelet or ring that symbolizes "I can do it!" Now that doesn't work for me, but I like the idea. When I quit smoking wearing a silly rubber band on my wrist helped. On reflection jewelry that reminds me of my goal, that I can fiddle with instead of nibbling, and points me in the direction of looking terrific works seemed like a fine idea. I've never worn bracelets so I just ordered a black gold chain bracelet so that I can wear it all the time, including while I work out.

Just Do It

I've been reading Crabby McSlacker (an name I can surely relate to) over at Cranky Fitness (yeah, yeah, instead of moving my butt I've been reading about moving my butt. I'm sure if I do it long enough I'll just waste away.) and honestly she is one of the few people who actually speaks to me. Unfortunately she is in much better shape than I am.

In my heart of hearts I love that she tells herself and, vicariously, me to "get over yourself and do it anyway." I never believe that crap about how it isn't that bad. It damn well is. That doesn't mean I don't have to do it. Just like I have to brush my teeth and go to work. Life isn't all fun and games, right? So I'm putting down my keyboard and doing some damn thing now.

Just What I Need Today

diet blog offers me exactly what I need to help get back on track. They think they're telling me about New Year's resolutions but really it is about how to persist. I need a summary here to remind me.

1. PERSIST. Don’t quit. “Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never—in nothing, great or small, large or petty—never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense.” Sir Winston Churchill
2. MAKE THE EFFORT. Work hard. Great comebackers use all the hours in the day. You can find your comeback right in the effort you make.
3. UNDERSTAND TRANSIENCE. Don’t extrapolate temporary setbacks into permanent defeat. “This, too, shall pass.”
   
4. CHANGE DIRECTION. Quincy Jones was a talented trumpeter, but after a stroke, he had to quit, and then became a legendary music producer.
5. EMPLOY SUPPORT. Stay away from the nay-sayers. Pack your corner with friends who won’t let you quit.
   
6. REPEAT. It took Sir Edmund Hillary two attempts to climb Everest, Peary eight times to reach the North Pole, and various authors scores and sometimes hundreds of tries to get their works published. Go again, and again, and ………
7. DREAM BIG. Your effort and ideas are worth many times what you may imagine. J.K. Rowling wrote her ideas about one “Harry Potter” during a train ride. It sold 100 million copies, and $4 billion movie box office, and counting. You can do much more than you imagine. Dream big.
8. STAY HUMBLE. Attitude -- is everything. When tennis master Andre Agassi fell from No. 1 to No. 141 (1997), he started over, went back to the minor leagues, upped his training, including weightlifting. It set the stage for greater things than ever before. Attitude – not image – is everything.
9. SELF-PROGRAM. Get a mantra. A psychiatrist-hypnotist provided Rachmaninoff the composer, who had a writing block, with a positive self-talk mantra: “You will begin your concerto. You will work with great facility. The concerto will be excellent.” It worked. He wrote his Piano Concerto No. 2.
10. PERSIST. It’s not over until you say so. Don’t say so.

Muddling Through

I avoided crap food so far today, avoided an eclair that was calling my name. I did eat up some low fat chocolate pudding in the fridge and instantly fell asleep in a chair. It might be the food or it might be relaxation or it might just be exhaustion. (I wonder why I minimize the notion of exhaustion by adding the "just.")

That is a stupid instinct, the one that treats you like a parent. "I didn't do too badly, did I?" It is a stupid impulse that I can eliminate.

Actually I spent some time today struggling to remember that the impulse to eat is often misplaced thirst. I'm not sure why I have so much trouble telling hunger and thirst apart. It was noon but breakfast was late and included protein and whole wheat seven grain bread. I stopped at the bagel shop but instead of having lunch took a moment and got myself a fizzy fruit juice drink. No it wasn't water but it also didn't have any sugar added. Drinking that over the course of the next twenty minutes totally took care of what I thought was hunger. Now to try to remember that when the moment is right.

Oh, and I loved the drink. I'll hunt that down again.

What's This About?

I've tried this blog-about-myself thing before but I'm always censoring myself. Do I do that in my head too? I actually have no idea. This is a contained blog with an actual topic. But it's mostly about me.

I am peering at the edge of 2008, the year I will turn 65. Yes, older than death. And I'm fat. Really fat. This morning I weighed 240.4 pounds. And I have asthma. And arthritis. Bad knee, intermittent back pain, and a right wrist that is messed up.

Instead of sounding like I'm whining, why don't I deconstruct that a little. These days there is stuff around about aging. My Local Paper has a health section once a week and, since they recognize that the baby boom generation is obsessed with self, they deal with aging.

And there is a ton of diet/fitness/healthy weight stuff around. Too much really. Everybody has a different notion, everybody has their own way, and tons of people who are eternally trying to lose weight stay fat.

But I have yet to find anything about losing weight and gaining fitness on ones sixties. Add the other maladies, all of which impact on how I feel and what I can do and I have a logical mess. I'm not even going to talk about my feelings about all that today.

But, damnit, I want to be slim and strong. I want to wear fashionable clothes. I'm old enough so I can wear what I want to instead of what is appropriate. But what's the point if everything looks like I'm wrapped in a bag?

I've actually lost 49 pounds over the past three years. But I regained a bunch of it. My high point was 266.6. I went on weight watchers and dropped to 218.2 for about an hour. Then the weight started creeping back. After some while I got fed up with dieting and gaining weight.

Then, three months ago, my eighteen year old dog died. I have been grieving. I really loved that dog. But I also haven't been dog-walking. So I gained another ten pounds. Ok, the good: weigh 26.2 pounds less than when I started. The bad: my weight is moving in the wrong direction, especially for the beginning of January. The neutral news: dieting works a bit if I am vigilant and weigh everything but I can't live that way.

Time to put up or shut up here. So let me see what I can do, what progress I can make.

Why?

I'm in a new place with a new name. I want to hide and be very public at the same time. That may seem inconsistent but it really isn't. I want the freedom to say what I like, reveal personal information if I like, without concern that folks in my Real Life will mention or even know about what I say.

But I'd still like to talk to folks, to you. And I think I'd like you to talk to me too.

Amended: Everything before this post was on another blog I started when I had a week off in October. I moved it here. I am rather amazed that as soon as I got back to work I totally fell off of everything I was trying to do. That is a good lesson. Maybe I'll be able to learn from it.