Beautiful Day

Gardening, housework. On Monday I have to return to work after a week's leave. I hoped to regularize something before I returned, but that won't happen. Tomorrow a massage. Good for me !!

Ok, next mini-goal. Carry lunch to work three out of four days next week. Dentist appointment on Wednesday that mucks it up.

Walk 10 minutes at work or after Monday - Thursday. Yeah, sounds puny to me too. But regular anything would be amazing. It is just so damn hard for me to develop habits and so easy to lose track.

Ack ... all this negativity is not helpful.

I caught a few minutes of that person who wrote Eat, Pray, Love on Oprah. She said something that stuck -- Develop a new mantra. She said that I already have a mantra, all that stuff that runs through my brain all the time. All that stuff I wrote above, she says, is my mantra. And so it is. I learn and measure myself by what I repeat. So she is right. I should develop a new mantra. I'll work on that too.

No Walk

yesterday but a nap and an evening event. I seem to be slowly catching up on all that sleep I missed after the mutt died. Couldn't sleep more than a few hours a night for some while. Now I'm waking up but going back to sleep. A busy day today and no walk. It's cold out there and I'm a wimp.

On the up side, though, I got myself a calf length faux suede coat with a warm lining from Land's End. And it fits. I have no coats past hip length because it is impossible to deal with them while driving. This was purchased specifically to walk. And to block my wimpy whining about not wanting to be cold. Oh, that cold? 50 degrees. Yes, I'm a sniveler. But I have an excuse to use some sock yarn for more mittens, hats, and scarves. I have some lovely robin's egg blue that should complement my chocolate brown coat nicely.

I made a meat loaf and packed it with whole grains, leeks, and mushrooms. It was tasty and decent. A side of baked yam and I was good to go.

Today I wish for patience.

A Second Step

Ok, it took until 9PM but I got out for a little walk. Two benches. I am wheezing badly and can't seem to pace myself. I walk too quickly for my breath and have to stop to catch it. This time I turned on the iPod and listened to a "This American Life" podcast. It was sufficiently distracting so that about halfway it seemed that the pace was improving.

And, after a day of healthy eating followed by a dinner of too much pizza I decided a goal of walking to Paris was self-defeating. I changed it to a walk to the ocean, 113 miles by internet reckoning. Once I do that I can walk to Cape May. And then to the Outer Banks. Small steps. Don't set myself up to fail.

I miss my dog.

A Single Step?

Gardening. Not so much being it is 90+ degrees and I can't breathe. I thought I was being nutty until I discovered the code orange air quality. I have asthma and some COPD so I really couldn't breathe.

After dark I ventured forth, dogless and sadly so. The perimeter road is marked with benches every so often. I went one bench and back. Maybe I'll do it again tomorrow.

I Forgot To Tell You

that I knit. I'm almost finished a pair of socks for autumn, of browns, golds, and blacks. By "finished" I mean I have almost completed knitting another pair of hand knitted socks for myself and this colorway will be perfect for Halloween.


So I waded through my stash. Yes, waded is the correct verb. I think it would be ankle deep if I covered the floor of my house. And I found THIS !!! On the left, of course. The green is a perfect match for the jacket, it is lightweight wool, and shows great promise to become mittens and a matching watch cap. Perfect! The picture shows the pattern and photo it arrived with, bird of paradise. It should provide a nice bright accent on a rainy day.

(I have developed the habit of having gloves or mittens to go with my coats. While this sounds like another vanity, it is actually a very practical solution to a gnarly problem. Since the gloves/mittens live in the pocket, I always have them and don't lose one when changing from coat to coat.)

Ok, do you see why I would like clothes that fit and look good on me? I know I should get fit for my health. And I would like to, really I would. But the vanity thing is powerful. At least I thought about going to the gym after I awakened. Progress.

Preparation

is one of my specialities. I'm not so good at execution. So instead of going for a walk on this record-breaking 90+ degree in October day, I got myself one fewer excuse for not going out when it is rainy and yukky. This baby is not only rain proof but it has underarm zippers so I don't sweat like a pig.

Driving home it occurred to me that old ladies are supposed to have purple hair and wear those plastic bonnets to keep their done hair from getting mussed. I never seem to be able to get it right.

Most Days

I think I want to be fit and muscular and able to put on a size 6 which used to be a size 10 and look terrific in it. Then again, I am way beyond pudgy and there is something seriously comfortable about being invisible and ignored. What size do I want to be? I wish the answer was "Exactly the size I am" but it isn't. I hate my size and shape the most when I need to dress it. And when I want to run up stairs.

Having reached what most folks think is old -- I'll be 65 on my next birthday -- it is way past time to do something about my horrid lack of fitness.

See I don't even give myself credit when I do something. In the past year or two I lost about 40 pounds. This is the truth-telling place so I went from 266.6 to 226.6, a huge change. And then I got stuck. I have been rolling between 220 and 230 for many many months. I've been thinking about exercising, doing little bits, but nothing that sticks. I joined a gym and went a bit. But then I changed jobs and lost focus.

A neighbor who is nearly 80 takes a daily walk around the perimeter road of my development. It is a three mile circle, up and down a lot. Doesn't seem like much, does it? I admire her, enjoy coming upon her walking briskly farish from home. To me it seems like an insurmountable mountain climb yet this 80 year old does it every day. And enjoys it.

Well yes, I am all over the place. I started this to help me get moving again, to sort out what's going on and to get unstuck.

It is autumn, October, my favorite month. My beloved dog died 10 days ago. It is very hard right now. And, as I look at winter looming before me I no longer have my soulmate to force my fat ass outdoors twice a day whether I like it or not. My heart wants to hide out in a cave and let sadness engulf me. My brain tells me that I better use this as an opportunity to get moving and motivate myself before it is February and I have gained 20 pounds while staring at an upcoming birthday.

Yesterday I made gumbo. This morning I weighed 229.4. Yeah, you're not supposed to weight yourself every day. Tough shit. It's what I do.

I'm going to look for something to graph my weight and distance now. Yeah, and sit in my chair some more.

What Size Do You Want To Be?

The Caterpillar was the first to speak.

`What size do you want to be?' it asked.

`Oh, I'm not particular as to size,' Alice hastily replied; `only one doesn't like changing so often, you know.'

`I DON'T know,' said the Caterpillar.

Alice said nothing: she had never been so much contradicted in her life before, and she felt that she was losing her temper.

`Are you content now?' said the Caterpillar.

`Well, I should like to be a LITTLE larger, sir, if you wouldn't mind,' said Alice: `three inches is such a wretched height to be.'

`It is a very good height indeed!' said the Caterpillar angrily, rearing itself upright as it spoke (it was exactly three inches high).

`But I'm not used to it!' pleaded poor Alice in a piteous tone. And she thought of herself, `I wish the creatures wouldn't be so easily offended!'

`You'll get used to it in time,' said the Caterpillar; and it put the hookah into its mouth and began smoking again.